This last year has been challenging to say the least. But it has also caused a lot of reflection on my part, as it probably has for many of you. Several weeks into the pandemic, I began listening to the lyrics of a song titled “The Goodness of God.”
I love You, Lord
For Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
In the darkest night
You are close like no other
I’ve known You as a Father
I’ve known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God
‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
With my life laid down
I’m surrendered now
I give You everything
‘Cause Your goodness is running after
It’s running after me
Bethel Music
Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Brian Johnson / Ed Cash / Ben Fielding / Jenn Johnson
I realized these lyrics were true of my life. I thought of all the past times God has made things work together for my good, even when I was mad at Him for those circumstances.
There have been many moments over the years where I have questioned God and his plan for my life. Moments of asking why.
One of these was when He allowed us to move to a town where we found out that radioactive waste was buried in the ground. But as always, He had a plan that I could not see at the time. I became involved in TAG, a grass roots activist group where I made lots of quality friends. Together we were able to form an awesome movement that made a difference. And to this day I have no regrets having moved there.
Another moment was when my daughter, Ginger was diagnosed with anorexia and we feared for her life. I, again, found myself questioning God. Why my daughter? How could he let this happen? And yet, over time God took this painful experience and did some wonderful things. He not only provided the support we needed but also gave us some very close friends who became His hands and feet, encouraging and loving us well. When we found ourselves in survival mode, anxious with spiritual things and feeling a deep-seated fear that I was failing at one more thing in my life, God did not leave me nor forsake me. He protected me and gave me joy in life again. And more importantly, He healed Ginger. I’m happy to say she is healthy today!
Then on December 29th of last year, I was backing up to our basement stairs to mop along the grain of wood on our floor (which turned out not to be a wise decision). The next thing I knew, I was lying on the concrete floor with my dog, Zorro licking my face. I could feel blood under my head, and I saw my disfigured arm lying beside me. Even though no one was home at the time, I still found myself yelling “Help me.” And God heard my cry. Remembering that my phone was in my pocket, something I never do, God gave me the strength to pull it out and dial my husband, Jim.
My fall resulted in a concussion, a broken wrist and arm, three fractures around my right eye along with a skull fracture. In addition, I was experiencing a brain bleed and my pelvic bone was broken in two places. While I could not move, I do remember my neighbor placing a blanket on me, the flashing lights and cool air in the ambulance.
After stabilizing me in the ER, they placed me in the ICU where I woke up with the fear that I was about to die – maybe I wished I had died. My shame returned from long ago, and I thought God was punishing me.
With the help of my therapist and my daughter, I began focusing on past experiences where God would take horrible situations and work them for my good. I shed lots of tears and had anxious moments, but through it all, I felt very loved and cared for by my family and friends. I was extremely cared for by the gracious hospital staff and received so many encouraging calls and texts. Wrapping myself in the truthful bible verses on the cards I received allowed me to realize my life was not over. It gave me hope and joy.
During our last worship service of 2020, I watched from my hospital room as Kyle Collins and Katie Kuss sang “The Blessing.” The lyrics of that song have become such a blessing to me and I continually listen to them.
Since returning home, I have come to realize life is a lot like rehab. Some things are painful. Healing and growing take time. And through it all, God is good. He is faithful and full of grace.
I would encourage anyone walking through a difficult time to pause and take time to remember the moments where God has been faithful in your past – which in turn can give you hope and allow you to trust amidst your current circumstances.
