At Pulpit Rock, we value courageous vulnerability. Our hope is that we can offer you a safe place to be you. As you are. We want to be a place where there’s no need to pretend you have it all together. A place where you can heal from your wounds. Vulnerability is scary, and we applaud it. We wanted to share this real story of one man’s journey with you.

For the last month or so I’ve been taking Prozac. I got the prescription and was on it for at least a week before I mentioned it to my wife. It’s funny, it’s not like it’s something to be ashamed of. I was very reluctant, it took about 17 years for me to come to terms with it enough to actually give it a try. I don’t like any kind of drug that affects my mental state, not even caffeine or alcohol.

So here I am, about a month or two into it. And it’s been good. I feel normal. Life has its ups and downs as always, big ups and big downs. But instead of my default being a physically felt down, and going from there, my default just seems to be reset to a neutral, even middle, and then goes from there as life takes it. And I’ve appreciated that. We’ll see if it lasts. It’s not like it makes me feel better exactly, there’s no positive effect, it just makes me not feel abnormally bad, for no clear reason. I just seem to be normal to myself. And that’s what I was hoping for.

But I’ve struggled with depression for a couple decades, and having been through enough that I was able to see what seemed to be a natural physical pattern to it that existed independently of the pattern of ups and downs in my life, I decided that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to consider this option. Nothing to lose, and it’s super cheap. I won’t bother going into exactly why I was so reluctant to try it, or why I had a hard time talking about the whole subject, first to the myself, then to my doctor, then to my wife, it’s just something that was hard for me. And trying Prozac wasn’t exactly first on my list of options.

I think it’s good for me to admit that I’ve felt depressed for almost twenty years, that I found it to be a drag on my life despite my own emotional control and fortitude, and that I eventually sought extra help, because my problem seemed to exist regardless of all other emotional and circumstantial elements. I don’t want to become a victim of my own unwillingness to admit my problems. There’s been enough of that in my extended family. I have to give some credit to Patton Oswalt, actually, and his willingness to talk openly about his depression and his own attempts to wean himself off his meds. I’ve had to live with being dependent on allergy meds since sixth grade, for life, and to give me a reasonably normal and comfortable life. I didn’t want to have more needs, more weaknesses, more dependencies. Especially in my mind and emotions, which is where I kept my pride, because although my body was weak, that was where I was strong.

But it’s ok. I’m just a person. And sometimes I need help, even in my areas of strength and pride.

Written by a member of Pulpit Rock Church

If you are struggling with depression, you are not alone. There is help for you.


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